If the joke is to be on taxpayers, we might as well draft the script for Conan O'Brien's opening when his late-night TV show begins its short stint in Toronto next month.

"So, here we are in Toronto in the middle of winter. Pretty cold, eh? Sort of like New York where I normally pass the time. Only in New York, like the rest of America, no-one would be daft enough to expect taxpayers to pay for some foreign multi-millionaire TV-host to do a publicity stunt disguised as concern for, um, … what was the cause we're here for again?"

The part of the real script that is equally unfunny is that Canadian taxpayers will be fronting the $1-million required to relocate the cast and crew of O'Brien's show. The best lines, however, are reserved for Peter Soumalias, the lead promoter for this outrageous farce, who supposes that "$100-million in positive media benefits" will far outweigh any tedious concern taxpayers may have about their handout.

Those "media benefits" would include ad agencies peddling the messages of private companies whose products we might purchase after watching the show's commercials.

Mr. Soumalias also assures us that Toronto's image will get a boost from exposure to viewers in the U.S. and around the world. Now that's funny. For Toronto's sake, the city must be hoping only the inside of some city studio will be seen, not frigid images of why any Easterner with holidays escapes to Florida at that time of year.

But that's Toronto's particular problem.

As it affects all Canadian taxpayers, why are we subsidizing an event that was predicted to be such a financial bonanza for private businesses? We've seen these and other bad acts before -- Formula One race subsidies, Quebec Sponsorship programs - but it doesn't make it any less offensive to be duped again.

But beyond the money, beyond this particular high-jinks and the guarantee that more misuse of tax dollars will be exposed in future scams, a looming concern for taxpayers and elected officials is the new industry that is growing, particularly since the Rolling Stones concert last year.

The "Misery Industry" has great growth potential. We can't be certain that O'Brien or Soumalias don't know the names or number of those who died from SARS, or even what the acronym means. They might. Perhaps they'll even take their show to Iran to help soothe the wounds and worries of that country's earthquake victims.

What is more likely is that other promoters will see the Stones concert and O'Brien show for what they really are: cash-cows for businesses, with the front money coming from taxpayers. No payback required.

After getting its ear tugged, will the government soon fund The Price is Right to be shown in Vancouver to help prop up the softwood lumber industry, or bring Nigella Lawson's cooking show to mad-cow country in Alberta and Saskatchewan?

Miserable as all those and other cases may be, the Misery Industry is one that can't be allowed to boom, or the joke always will be on taxpayers.